How to live your own convictions

Jeremy Courtney
May 05, 2023

Design by Marwa Mohammed

Have you ever owned a talking bird—one of those that “parrots” what you say?

Growing up we had a parakeet and spent a lot of time teaching it to mimic our speech.

It was a fun party trick.

But here’s what I learned:

You can teach a bird to sing the national anthem.

Or a Gospel hymn.

But that doesn’t mean it will die for its beliefs.

***

When I look around today, it’s easy to feel like we’re surrounded by people who are merely parroting what others have taught them to say.

This group is bad.

That group is worse.

This is now paramount.

That’s passé.

Last week, I was on a coaching call with a guy who said something that made me come alive. He’d known about our work for years. So he was speaking from his historical perspective when he said this:

“What you do is sell us the best version of ourselves. Yes, it’s always packaged as food for the hungry or housing for refugees, but that’s not really what we’re buying.”

He paused.

“We’re buying into our own goodness. When you guys show us what’s possible in the hardest places on earth, it’s easier to imagine we can do it where we are, too.”

Of course, what he was identifying didn’t happen by accident. In fact, it felt like he was reading one of my internal strategy memos.

There’s a phrase that we rise and fall by on our teams:

We live the stories of our convictions.

Here’s what that means:

We don’t paper our social media with the currency of the day.

We don’t sell messages on our apparel for which we don’t have ample receipts.

It’s either skin in the game, or be quiet and learn.

But I could restate the principle even more succinctly:

🦜 Don’t parrot.

You see, we don’t have mottos around here.

We have memories.

Things we’ve actually done to transform evil.

But a lot of people are merely living the convictions of others. They have no memories, because they’ve taken no real risks. Without memories, they settle for mantras.

Then, when discomfort emerges, when disagreements arise, when teams and communities stand at an impasse, rather than dig in, they fly away.

Oscar Wilde said it like this:

“Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else's opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation.”

There’s a lot of people out here flying around aimlessly. Not only do they lack a destination, they actually lack a navigation system: those hard-earned convictions that allow us to withstand mob rule, bullying, and self-interested manipulators.

In last week’s Guide, I talked about the importance of earning your ego. Of trying and failing. And taking your lumps until you’ve repeatedly risked and learned enough to bring forth the fruit of your own labor and investment.

An anecdote from rocket scientist Ozan Varol stopped me cold this week. This is a paraphrase:

Stop aiming for the same obvious target as everyone else. Figure out your first principles as a person—the Lego blocks of your talents, interests, and preferences—and paint the target around them.

Your first principles are often the qualities you suppress the most—because they make you weird or different from other people. At some point in your life, you were probably shamed for embodying those qualities, so you learned to conceal them.

But here’s the thing: We notice things because of contrast. Something stands out because it’s different from what surrounds it.

If you blend into the background—if you show no idiosyncrasy, no fingerprints, no contrast, no anomaly—you become invisible. You become the background.

It’s only by embracing, rather than erasing, your idiosyncrasies that you can become extraordinary.

I’ll be honest: it feels good at first to see your ideas quoted across the internet and worn by celebrities. But when it’s just an echo, it’s meaningless.

Because you don’t go into this work for clicks and clout.

We’re not here for dollars.

We’re here for change.

I woke up to these “parroting” dynamics far too late in my career and settled for hiring people with pedigree who could sing along over those who had actually lived the stories of their convictions.

It’s my biggest regret and my most costly mistake.

Because real life is jazz. And when the chorus of culture around you changes modes, you need to be surrounded by an ensemble that knows how to take fearless melodic detours without losing the tune.

Skin.

Scars.

In the arena.

If it’s mere mimicry, you’re screwed.

***

So, here are 5 things I do to develop my convictions and avoid parrotting:

Travel
Whenever I’m lacking empathy for a person or a people or a place, I try to move my body to share their natural space with them.
Listen
Listening is like “bringing an extra bag” so I have room to receive whatever I need to receive. If I arrive with the baggage of all my preconceived notions, I may have traveled, but I won’t be able to walk away with any new gifts.
Invest
Old wisdom says “Where your treasure is, your heart will be there also.” So when I really want to develop my own convictions on something, I start giving my time, talent, and treasure to the related concerns. Investing isn’t an endorsement. It’s an education.
Risk
Cardboard signs are cheap. If you really want to develop convictions, it takes more than markers. Sell your house. Uproot your kids. Get shot at. Live among. Go without. Pacifism and war are both extremely easy until you’ve been on the frontlines.
Circle Back
If you want real change, bring your ideas back home to the place where you began… and repeat the process.

If you want to be surrounded by a small, growing community of people working to reduce polarization and increase the love in the world, I hope you’ll stick around and speak up. Let’s join each other in our trials and errors!

We’re in complex times right now. From leadership, to parenting, to purpose—everyone I talk to is facing significant challenges. I’d love to hear about yours. I promise, you’re not alone.

Jeremy Courtney
Cofounder
HUMANITE

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